OFF FOR CHRISTMAS

Yes the schedule came out last week and it is official...I am off for Christmas! I get to wake up at home with my family. I have asked that we do the things I have missed on Christmas Morning the last few years. We wake up and in our jammies we open gifts. After the fun of that we eat breakfast consisting of brown ham and biscuits. Yes brown ham. There is pink ham and there is brown ham. (For those who don't know brown ham is a boiled ham.) After that Eryn, Caleb and their parents come over and we again exchange gifts. Then the rest of the family comes over for lunch. Basically it is who is left from my mother's 3 brothers and their families. This may sound like alot of people but our family has decreased by half in the last decade or so. There were 6 other brothers and sisters in Mom's family. The best part is I get to see my family. Talking and laughing over coffee and fruit cake. My aunt makes an eatable one. The one gift I have asked for is a Scene-It Disney 2 game. Why? Because I play against Eryn and Caleb. There is satisfaction in winning against a 12 year old and a 6 year old.

Thought I was Dead...

Did you think I was dead...me too. I have changed locations, changed careers, changed how I look at my job, changed my insurance company, and changed underwear frequently. During the last year or so life has been a dizzying experience. Mornings were the last thing I wanted to see with a familiar "Not again," groan. Now I am in a new situation. Corporate America and I am starting at the bottom...(wait I have always started at the bottom). I have a drive to move up. My goal is to be in a new position by this time next year if not sooner. One thing I like about this new company is that they take education and degrees seriously! I mean seriously. They have as a requirement for alot of positions having a degree or pursuing one. To them, having a degree of any kind means determination and dependability. If you can put 4 or more years into a goal you are paying for then what can you do for the company when they compensate you for a goal. Compensate... I like that word. And they do try their best to compensate the employees for their work. Not only by giving good salaries but by other important areas such as recognitions and time to celebrate. They have staff people to do nothing but think up ways to celebrate as a company and compensate the workers. They want you to improve and find a job you can love. I want to work hard for them and I will. But it is still a job, which means it is not perfect. I also have been given an understanding from past jobs that I am someone that they can do with out...I believe they call this expendable. I would like to think I was indispensable, but history does not support this theory. So here I go into the unknown. For the 2 people who read this...come along for the ride.

Simplicity

It is the simple things that bring about more wonder than miracles. I am not knocking miracles they are great and needed; but the things that seem to matter more down the road are the things that are ordinary. I can not get rid of the yearning to return to a simple time in my life. Let me descibe it to you. Before the I started my ritual of begining school, I had a perfect life. Early in the morning Mom would wake me up and get both of us ready. She was perparing for work & I was preparing for Grandma's house. After the brushing our teeth and fixing our hair we would go out into the world. Our first stop would be at Johnny V's. This was a small drive thru that sold sausage biscuits in the mornings. We would buy 3. One for Mom, one for Grandma, and one for me! Under a time scehdule, not to get Mom to work on time, to get me to Grandma's before Mr. Ed came on the TV. I didn't want to miss Mr. Ed. Forget My Little Pony, Mr. Ed could kick those stupid ponies butt! I would run into the house, sausage biscuits in hand, and jump on to my perch. Grandma had a brown chair with huge arms on each side. Arms bing enough for 5 year old me to sit. There we would eat our biscuits and watch Mr. Ed's next adventure. It was perfect. It was simple.

Missing Christmas

This year I will miss Christmas. Slowly but surely the things I held dear are being forced out of my life. It has started small, things I said I would never let drop, have landed like lead. I haven't been to church in over a month. Some of you will say it is ok, that my relationship with God doesn't depend on it. True but what about my relationship with other believers? I do think it is important to be involved in a body of believers to maintain a relationship with them. I will have to work on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day this year. Family is not important to this job, neither is kindness. I have missed one but never both,and never Christmas. We are trying to make it work where I can see them some, but it will be a difficult adjustment. This is not for me. I need both of my families and I am being kept from them. Have you ever felt stuck? This is new to me, I've always had options. Now, I have to miss Christmas.

Things not to call "911" for:

Now we all know that warning labels are directly related to some idiot actually trying to perform the act prohibited on the label. This entry is to let you know of a few subjects and issues that not considered emergencies. 911 is not a toy.

Please do not call 911 to...

A) ask for the high school football schedule or scores. The operator will lie to you just for fun.
B) get directions and latest news on local events like the fair. Read the paper.
C) tattle on your brother for coming in after curfew. 70% of all lawenforecement calls are realted to families not being able to handle themselves correctly.
D) see if they answer. MORONS.
E) seek advice in raising your children. Again stupid people should not breed. If you are afraid to discipline, get fixed before whoring around.
F) get a ride home because you are drunk. This is the whole reason we have cabs in the south, plan ahead and call them.
G) complain about people of different races riding in a car together. You bigot, this is not an emergency. Keep your racism off the line.

These are just a few of the issues that the 911 operators have to deal with unnecessarily. To add to this entry there are a few situations or states you should not be in when calling 911.
1) While you are naked. We don't care and will not be impressed with details.
2) While you are in the bathroom. It is never pretty...never.
3) While you are drunk. You cannot even tell us where you are so don't bother calling. Also we can't understand a word you say except cuss words, and they are not location tools or landmarks.

Thank you for respecting you local 911 operator.

More Unique Terms

In a visit to my home in Georgia I was reminded of more phrases that are unique terms in the South. Here are a few of the phrases and the real meaning behind them:

1) "He's all boy." This is often said when a male child has an accident while doing something stupid that seemed like it should of broken several bones in his little body. Really this mean "Oh no! I have the next Jack-@%$ cast member." It also eventually leads to, them as grown men, being able to take a fall off of a building with no tears but whine about a splinter for 5 days.

2) "What can I do to help?" Women often ask this when at someone's house for dinner or a special occasion. What it really means is "I really don't want to help. I am a guest. But it is polite to say those meaningless words. Please respond with the word '"Nothing."" Those who don't ask are seen as impolite even though they are essentially wanting the same results of not helping.

3) This one can be confusing so pay close attention. When a southerner is asked, "What do you want to drink?" and they respond, "A Coke." It may not mean a Coca-Cola. Every soft drink in the south is called a Coke. The correct followup question should be, "What kind?" This gives the southern an opportunity to specify what type of soft drink they want. In addition, if a sounterner asks for tea it is to be iced and sweetened, if they want it prepared otherwise they will specifically ask for it that way.

I hope this has helped you in your quest to understand the hidden meanings in the southern dialect.

Wake Up

I recently started a new job. I have never done this type of work before nor have I had to work 12 hour swing shifts. It is taxing on the my resting requirememnts. I have to rearrange my sleep patterns every so often to aaccomidate my work schedule. This is not easily solved for me. I was brought up to sleep when it is dark outside. So learning this new vampire-ish-lifestyle is difficult. So I have decided to try some new things to aid in the change over from day dweller to night stalker. I first inhale large amounts of coffee. This makes me happy, and a bit jittery. Also I make sure I have rested as much as I can during the off time. To ensure this rest I do things that bore me; like housework or laundry or watch new SNL episodes (that are not remotely funny anymore). Next I decided to use this alert time of my day to exercise...oh who am I kidding. I may never get use to the back and forth rotation of my work schdule, but I will get some satisfaction. Every two week I get a stretch of 7 days off and I get paid. Face it that is what motivates people to work unnatural hours. Those who say otherwise are liars and sleep deprived.