I need cereal

Worry. The leading cause of stress. We all worry about something. Some worry about people, some worry about success, some worry about thing they cannot control for the good or the bad. We all worry. It is as staple an activity as breathing. It has lasting effects and can cause pain. Or is the object of our worry that causes pain? I worry. Right now it is about the future. Whether my life will be fruitful or not. Whether I will follow a path of mundance exsistance in punching a clock, microwaving dinner for one, and watching TV to hear voices other than my own. I worry about my family getting hurt and what I would do to the one who hurts them. I worry about what people think. I worry what peole use to think in the past and what they may think in the future. I worry about things I can control and the things I could never control even if I tried. It takes alot out of me to worry. It comsumes hours at a time. So I have decided that I will choose not to worry about so many things. I will worry about what needs attention that only I can provide. Right now I will worry about buying things I need at home. I need sugar, washing powder, and cereal. I need cereal.

The dream

When I was in college I watched my aunt, dying of cancer, take her last breath. A few years later, my grandfather, also dying of cancer, died in his room surrounded by chatting family. After noticing he didn’t seem to be breathing I checked for a pulse and found nothing. I have been in the presence of death. I have seen it take what belongs to it right in front of my eyes. I have watched the preceding work of death; the months in hospitals, going to treatments, the 911 calls and funeral after funeral. I held the hands of loved ones in comas, folded their fingers to hold my hand because they couldn’t do it themselves, and swabbed their mouth that was drying out from oxygen masks. I have heard the tones of doctors’ voices deliver news that some could handle and some could not bear the thought. I learned the signs of death. The medical professionals calling in Hospice, getting a home healthcare nurse, and having involuntary functions like breathing being the task for the day instead of a project at work. I've seen strong people become weak and weak people exhibit strength beyond comprehension. I have heard people cry out to God and question Him in the same breath. I've heard the not-so-comforting phrases Christian say to make them sound holy. “They are in a better place…” and “God is sovereign.” I am not saying these statements are not true, but they are not that comforting. Now I am watching something die right in front of my eyes that I cannot handle. It is what I will call my dream.

I have wanted to be in student ministry since I was 15. I have listened and followed even to the extent of leaving family to be trained hundreds of miles away. I watched a passion be implemented in me that was beyond human understanding. I went to bed thinking about God and His heart for teenagers and woke up finishing the thoughts. I never wanted to do anything but this passion, this dream. I waded into shallow pools of ministry, part-time and volunteering here and there. Then I got to do fulltime, my passion was fueled ever so slightly because it wasn’t exactly the dream but it was close. Then at last a big shot. I was invited to swim deeply into the dream, propelled by a passionate calling never really quite understood. It was glorious. I felt so alive and part of a plan. Literally the smile could not be slapped off my face. Someone once said that when God fulfills a dream this is what it is like. Sleep was a bother; every minute was too good to miss. Then a tragedy hit. I still don’t really know if I caused it or not. As an observer of reality, I know that the common denominator is usually suspect in the cause. The dream seems so lifeless. Holding its hand, I have to wrap its fingers around mine because it can’t do it for itself anymore. Its breathing is shallow and its heartbeat is faint. I have heard the grave tone of voice say that the heart has left. It doesn’t look good. I know it is still in there. My dream is on a ventilator and I have power of attorney. What is best? Having it exist in this state for an unlimited amount of time or move on? Grief for the dying is agony. Miracles happen, but not at my wish. The words of supposed comfort are the words that hurt the most, “God is sovereign.” How do you know if a dream is really dead? What do you do then? If someone has some insight, please let me hear it.

Ode to the Men

In a recent post by a male blogger, he delivered a very encouraging message to Godly ladies. Thank you for that. It got me thinking; we ladies need to let the Godly men around us know they are worth more than killing bugs and lifting things. (Although it is something we need from time to time.) So here is my ode to Men.

In Genesis we see the creation of people and its description. Some people joke that after God had made everything He decided He could do better and made woman. The older I get the more I think this is a statement a feminist came up with to make her feel better because she didn't have a date. God needed to put on earth something that had the ability to love, lead, and get things done: men. I do not envy the responsibility you have as a man. They buck stops with you. You have the unique ability to work hard and play hard.

Saying "thank you,” for opening a door or holding out a chair is truly from the heart. Godly men are rare. What we women love to see is a man humbly walking with God, a bible in his pocket, being a leader without declaring he is one, and offering suggestions to fix our problems, (Yes we secretly enjoy you doing this occasionally it shows us you care enough to make an effort to help.)

You are respectable. Respect is something that needs to be earned, and as a Godly man you succeed at that. Your strength, not just physical, is something that women need to reach our potential as well as reflecting well on you. I know that the intricate workings of you mind is essential in God's plan. Does that surprise you? I know you think about sex as much as women think about chocolate; so you may have a problem with this statement. You were designed like that by God himself. Yes, there is a right way and wrong way to use this mind of yours. I have no problem with the way a Godly man handles this gift. You walk with dignity and statue worthy of admiration. You enter a room and every woman knows they are now in the presence of a Man. There is a security in your presence that we can find no where else on earth. You bring conversation topics that make us laugh and think in ways women cannot achieve. We love it when you take the time to present yourself in public. When you use products to make you smell irresistible and look GQ, we do notice; however it is your character that catches our attention. Women may be intrigued by the physical but are captivated by your character. You are beautiful too.

You have an incredible responsibility to live up to and you’re trying your best to accomplish it. God himself chose to enter humanity as a man, and you are the reflection of his image. I can see glimpses of Christ Himself in you. Briefly, moments will come when, I swear, you have shrugged off humanity itself and been covered in Christ to the point I can't tell you apart. Through this, tangible reflections of my Savior are given. We can see, touch, and feel the love of our Lord. I say the world is better for having Godly men like you. I know I am better for it. Again I say Thank You, men, for just being good men.

This is meant to encourage all men; but I must name the ones that were going through my mind as I wrote this:

• DISCLAIMER: I am not interested romantically with these men. Each of these men has shown me glimpses of Christ. I admire their character and wanted to say thank you for being Godly examples.

H.R. Nobles(Granddaddy), Dr. Phillip Briggs, Jon Creamer, Randy Heritage, Paul Marshall, Gary Rolan, Sammy Clary, David Henderson, Jacob Queen, Jamie Salmon, Michael Brown, Jim Taylor, James Paul, and yes even everyone’s favorite TBM Tavarus Brockman.

BravesVision

Human behavior fascinates me. Have you ever watched the actions people take and notice patterns? At a recent trip to Atlanta, I was entertained with a buffet of characters to observe. Of course it's Atlanta! While attending the Braves game, the people there seemed to follow a simple behavior. I observed activities that seemed to secure a way to get on the BravesVision Screen. First you must be standing because most of the folks whose mugs made it on the screen were not seated. Second as soon as you notice yourself on the screen you must raise your beer like a trophy. This generated many questions for me. Is this a way that people rub it into the under 21 crowd who could not have a beer? Is this a status symbol like a sports car or a larger-than-necessary-house? How come other beverages were not revered like the beer? After paying 3 times the normal price for my Coke I felt like it should be raised or even bronzed. By the end of the game, seeing hundreds of beer buying patrons raising their brews, and then leaving them on the floor; I came to my opinionated conculsion. BravesVision can capture several seconds of proud beer holding for a 2 story sized video of stupidity. Ahhh Atlanta!

Unique Terms

Unique to the South is the ability to say what you really mean and have it sound like a compliment. Only those inclined to the dialect of the southern tongue can pick up on the subtle but damaging words. For those who need help in understanding the insults here are some tips:

1. Anything with “Bless Your Heart,” attached to it is not sympathetic terminology. It usually refers that the individual being discussed is not as bright as they could be or that they are a magnet for bad situations.
2. Other terms similar to #1 are “Isn’t he/she sweet.” This usually refers to a child that is the spawn of Satan. It also carries a hint of calling the person stupid. Either definition can apply.
3. “Ya’ll come by anytime,” is nothing more than a term used to say, “Please call before you arrive.” or in extreme cases, “Don’t come over ever!”
4. A similar phrase to #3 is used when company is leaving. “Don’t rush off,” really means you have stayed too long. If they say this before you offer to leave, they really means business… leave immediately.
5. Terms like “Honey,” “Sweetie,” “Darlin’,” and “Sweetheart” does not mean they like you. Honestly if they really liked you they would take the time to learn your name.

These few will get you started on your way to understanding the Southern insults. Keep your guard up and you will be fine.

Never-ending Story

Today I am a bit puzzled. I encounter people everyday, even though I try not to. Have you noticed that we are very repetitive? Same things over and over. Same drink, same style of dress, same adjective used too frequently like "awesome." We like to use the same toilet paper, toothpaste, and coffee. We make a routine so involuntary that it takes no brain power at all to perform them. Repetitive. Even our conversations are repetitive. Even our humor is repetitive. We may claim to be creative, but we tell the same jokes over and over. Soon they lose their effect. We can find ourselves getting into repetitive bashing of things we, well face it, just love to bash. Bashing others, their work, their education, their style of worship, and their disciplines is just a way of making us feel better. Is this right? Does it make us look better in others eyes? Maybe if they agree, but what if they have another opinion? Does it have to be a reason to repeatedly bash something? I am not a saint. I too have had my day in belittling those who find themselves on the opposite viewpoint. It is a rush! It is fun. But is it right? What happened to the idea of not having to defend something because it is right? Or is this the way we want our children to act too. "Sweety, if someone is not like you in education, or gender, or worship style, or how you do the things you do; it is ok to state your point. You can write a blog. Mention these things over and over to justify yourself to yourself." Can't we all just get along? "But we are not fighting," aleast that what we tell ourselves as we write our repetitive arguments. Hmmm...seems to me we are playing a bit role of what it is like to be God. Do we have the right to do that? For those I have offended with my post, I am sorry. It was not right to write to offend. For those of you adamantly defending you views by taking others down, do what is right.

For Angela

Ok...I really never do these things, but it is late and I can't sleep!

Four jobs I've had:
1. Youth Minister, Plentitude BC
2. Lifeway (twice)
3. Landscaping SWBTS
4. NewSpring

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Muppets Christmas Carol
2. National Treasure
3. Harry Potter Movies
4. Most Disney Animated movies

Four places I've lived:
1. Macon, GA
2. Ft. Worth, TX
3. Gray, GA
4. Anderson, SC

Four TV shows I love:
1. House
2. CSI (original)
3. Did I say House
4. Oh I almost for got House!

Four places I have vacationed:
1. Wolf Lake
2. Gray, GA
3. That is all the places I have vacationed as an adult.
4. Agree with #3.

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Mom's chicken pot pie
2. EasyMac caserole
3. Ranch Chicken
4. Boiled Crab legs and shrimp

Four sites I visit daily:
1. Monster.com (Need a Job)
2. Various church and ministry web sites (Need a Job)
3. Email (Seeing if anyone contacted me about a job)
4. Cnn.com (to see if someone died that I could possibly take their job)

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Asleep it is late!
2. Wolf Lake
3. At Barnes and Noble (is that place heaven?)
4. At work...whereever that may be.

Four bloggers I am tagging so that they will hate me:
1. I have no friends............And if I did the last thing I would do is make them hate me!


This was.....fun.