Things not to call "911" for:

Now we all know that warning labels are directly related to some idiot actually trying to perform the act prohibited on the label. This entry is to let you know of a few subjects and issues that not considered emergencies. 911 is not a toy.

Please do not call 911 to...

A) ask for the high school football schedule or scores. The operator will lie to you just for fun.
B) get directions and latest news on local events like the fair. Read the paper.
C) tattle on your brother for coming in after curfew. 70% of all lawenforecement calls are realted to families not being able to handle themselves correctly.
D) see if they answer. MORONS.
E) seek advice in raising your children. Again stupid people should not breed. If you are afraid to discipline, get fixed before whoring around.
F) get a ride home because you are drunk. This is the whole reason we have cabs in the south, plan ahead and call them.
G) complain about people of different races riding in a car together. You bigot, this is not an emergency. Keep your racism off the line.

These are just a few of the issues that the 911 operators have to deal with unnecessarily. To add to this entry there are a few situations or states you should not be in when calling 911.
1) While you are naked. We don't care and will not be impressed with details.
2) While you are in the bathroom. It is never pretty...never.
3) While you are drunk. You cannot even tell us where you are so don't bother calling. Also we can't understand a word you say except cuss words, and they are not location tools or landmarks.

Thank you for respecting you local 911 operator.