Sanctuary Etiquette

You Loved it so here it is again:


Ok, for all those who always wanted to know what not to do in church here is a few suggestions.

1) I understand it is great to find a church that accepts you the way you are, but seriously we need to make sure that we are not misrepresenting ourselves. Worship experiences with a corporate body of believers is to be between you and God, the fewer the distractions the better. So when I find the perfect seat to focus on my Lord and someone sits in front of me and forces me to "say no to crack," I lose the essence of my worship. I believe we are to worship God unashamed, but some people should be ashamed. Please make sure that the parts that God made to be covered by Hanes products stay covered. No cracks, either from the bottom or the top. Why do so many people try to get rid of facial wrinkles and cracks but they want to show off others strategically placed ones? Also some women think it is cute to wear skirts that are ruffled and extremely short. I have a name for these skirts, Fart-skirts. It is simple, if they would fart the skirt would blow up with little or no effort. I used to tell the teenage girls to bend over with your feet crossed in front of your Dad and if he approves it is probably ok. I understand there are some horrible dads in the world but generally they will not let their name be branded as the father of a slut if they can help it. Moral of this story: If you bend, everything should stay in.

2) It is so sweet to see people who are in love. They hold hands, put arms around each other, smile in a sappy sort of way. However, remember that when in church our worship is to be focused on God, not the person we are trying to woo. Husbands and wives also need to remember to keep the married people antics at home. One recent experience left me with lots of questions and nausea. A couple who, I assumed, loved each other at least for the duration of the singing, could not keep there hands...well...off each other. I have seen secure and insecure couples scratch each others backs, squeeze hands, play with each others hair. This day I saw something that has scarred me for life...she was rubbing his butt! Up and down, side to side, circles; you name it. Any way she could rub she did. I wasn't sure if they were going to be able to stay for the whole service, but they did. PDA is only acceptable in corporate worship if you are using the computer PDA to take notes of the sermon. Moral of this story: We are to lift up "holy hands" and feel the presence of God, not grope our brothers or sisters.